Tiger, Tiger, Tiger, one Swede not enough for you, eh. Hell, why settle for a caring loving relationship with a beautiful, intelligent lady when you can sleep with fourteen random mistresses instead. Maybe you could even aim for the stars and try to double that number. Although, you should be careful, as you may just get what you wish for. At the very least, though, that should keep you ahead of the good majority of your fellow pros.
Wondering why your personal life should become so public, aren’t you? You can’t see any reason why you shouldn’t make $US110 million per annum from sponsorship deals and endorsements, and then, heaven forbid, have too be answerable to those companies and even worse, the public. Upsetting isn’t it, that some of your deals are starting to fall through. But don’t worry, if the cash dries up, you could always make a living from giving dating advice. You seem good at picking up the ladies. Must be that easy accessibility that you allow people. You have obviously worked out that showing people your true personality has its advantages.
But don’t worry about been seen to be a hypocrite. After all, going on television and telling the rest of us what we should buy and how to live our lives is most charitable of you. Why should you actually have to do what you preach? I guess it’s a case of do as I say, not as I do. I hear also, that you were deeply sorry for your indiscretions, because they hurt you and your family. Apparently you have said that what you have done is not what your morals and values are. So Tiger, could you tell us what those values are? I gather what you mean are that your morals dictate that you stay loyal and faithful to the woman that you married and love so dearly. I mean, cheating on your wife is something those wonderful morals of yours just wouldn’t let you do. Isn’t that right, Tiger?
It’s not the money, is it? Putting you under stress, never knowing where the next paycheque is coming from? Sending you running into the arms of fourteen mistresses. It is still fourteen? I wouldn’t want to get my facts wrong here, Tiger. Reputedly you’re worth one billion US dollars, Tiger. It must be unbearable, all that financial uncertainty. I did a quick bit of arithmetic for you Tiger. See, if you invest one billion at two percent interest rates, you would have an annual income of twenty million gross. With all that tax to come off, I can see where the stress is coming from. It’s fair to say that no one could realistically be expected to survive on such a paltry sum. I have genuine sympathy for you Tiger.
You must be miffed that you are losing the support of sponsors, not to mention that once over-adoring public. The PR war is not going well, the opposition is forging ahead and you are trapped in a bunker with enemy fire coming from all directions. And bunkering down is exactly what you are doing. Putting a giant disc over your life from prying eyes, only to discover that the attack is wounding your once impenetrable defence. What have you possibly done, that so many people are starting to wonder whether you are all image and no substance. What with all those super family morals that you possess.
I’m sure you’ll comeback though. Several months away and we will all forget about your past sins. Forget about what you did to your lovely wife and family, after all, once you’re back playing at the top of your game, that’s all that will matter. Won’t it? We’ll be yelling “go in the hole” as loud as ever. We’ll be applauding wildly when you get that approach shot within a centimetre or two. The wins will start coming, even if the wife might be going. The endorsements will emanate in again. More than make up for the several hundred mill wifey will walk off with, won’t it?
Financial security was what you wanted, wasn’t it?