New Zealand Cricket has appointed John Wright as coach of the Black Caps.

Rumours abound that before the decision was made, there was a clandestine break-in at the National headquarters in Christchurch and that the perpetrators of this are believed to be logic and common sense.

That they were able to infiltrate the minds of CEO Justin Vaughan and the Board of Directors has been a remarkable feat. For so long now, Wright has been fobbed off by the National body in regards to the Black Caps coaching position on the grounds that he didn’t have the organisational skills to do the job to a high level. A rather peculiar claim when his success with India from 2000-2005 is taken into consideration.

With Wright’s promotion to the head coach’s position, incumbent Mark Greatbatch has been moved sideways to a selector’s role. He now heads a three man panel, along with former internationals Lance Cairns and Glenn Turner, who will select the team independently of the coach and captain. Daniel Vettori, along with high performance director Roger Mortimer who is no longer with NZC, is the big loser in this sad debacle that is eleven individuals attempting to impersonate a cricket team. No longer is he the kingmaker in the operation as he has been stripped bare of the majority of his power. Dethroned of his selector’s position, Vettori will now be left to concentrate on his role as captain and player.

How the overhaul of the operating procedure of the Black caps will affect Vettori remains to be seen. It can’t be easy on his ego to be taken down numerous levels so publicly. But, with a record of one win from the previous fifteen one-dayers, something had to give. New Zealand Cricket was left with no choice but to dismantle the present regime. An effervescent bundle of high performance, this lot was not. Sure, they put in two respectable efforts in the test series in India recently. But, it seems, that was an aberration.

Wright will have his hands full with this lot. Not being used to answering to anyone but themselves, player power had been allowed off its leash to run rampant over the last few years. Playing personal deciding what is best for the team, but appearing to lack the nous to know which is the best road taken. Get away with it they could, due to the lack of quality second tier back-up. New Zealand simply does not have quality or quantity to be able to afford to lose the top echelon on personnel. So NZC bowed to their demands. But, no longer.

Clearly, for New Zealand Cricket, the recent losing streak was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Something had to give. And it did. NZC got tough, bit the bullet, swept away the pieces no longer needed and spruced up a few other bits, virtually admitting they were wrong not to have headhunted Wright many moons ago.

Don’t expect miracles from Wright, though. With only two months until the World Cup, there is little hope that he can turn around what are currently the biggest under-achievers in New Zealand sport in that little a time. Even less hope that the upcoming tour by Pakistan will throw some success in their laps.

No, more than likely a twelve to eighteen month trek through the highs and lows of the cricketing mountains and valleys awaits the soldiers. And if they don’t like Wright’s way of doing things? Simple really, release them from their contracts and invite them to go off and make the money they so covet in the hit and giggle that is the IPL. If that’s what tickles their fancy, then so be it.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, let the selectors choose eleven men that will give their all for their country. Sure, they mightn’t be to the standard of the current crop of playing staff, but, then, even if they lose heavily they wouldn’t be doing any worse than their supposed superiors are at the present time. And at least they will bleed for their country.

Which is just John Wright’s type of cricketer.

The New Zealand Rugby Union has been boxed into a corner and is on the ropes after Sonny Bill Williams landed a searing uppercut to their credibility.

Just when it looked as though Williams was giving his all to the mighty cause of rugby, news of Williams partaking in a boxing match in the first weekend of super fifteen next February jostles its way into our consciousness. Having showed commendable commitment to his new sport, many of us were finally prepared to forgive him for walking out on the Canterbury Bulldogs. Then he goes and mars it all by pulling a selfish stunt like this. And now he’s back to square one.

He claims boxing training will help his rugby for the 2012 season. Will improve his footwork, he says. Maybe it will. Just might cause him a serious season ending injury too. One punch from his opponent Scott Lewis, and potentially brain damage could be incurred. That said, perhaps his decision to get into a boxing ring instead of helping his Canterbury Crusader mates out smacks of someone that lacks the smarts to realise that he is letting others down. Or it could be that Williams knows what he is about and cynically lining his pockets with the green stuff is of more importance to him than being in the trenches with his teammates.

Maybe if this fight was to take part earlier in the summer, then some credence could be given to Williams’s argument that he is doing it as part of his training for the upcoming season. But on the first weekend of Super fifteen? Either he is procuring himself copious amounts of coin for the fight or he simply doesn’t give a toss about rugby and his employers. Not to mention all the fans out there. Perhaps Crusader fans would be within their rights to expect a refund as many of them would have been going to the opening match to watch Williams play.

But what would he care? As long as Sonny Bill Williams gets what’s best for Sonny Bill Williams, he’s happy. Some lucrative sponsorship deals here, a cashed up foray into the boxing ring there. Only way the Rugby Union could entice him to these fair shores, it seems. To think, we were all gullible enough to believe that Williams genuinely cared enough that he would choose to give his all to the cause of the New Zealand rugby. Turns out that those cynical types, that cared to illuminate anybody that would listen when Williams originally signed with the NZRU that he was only here on a hit and run mission to fulfil a dream of playing for the All Blacks at the world cup, were right.

Of course, the whole shemozzle doesn’t reflect particularly well on the NZRU. Taken for a ride somewhat, they appear powerless to do anything but bow to the demands of their prized prima donna. If they don’t give Williams what he wants, then they risk losing his services after the World Cup. In reality, there is more chance of the always patriotic Steve Hansen wearing nothing but a body painted New Zealand flag and break-dancing on the moon in said attire than there is of Williams staying in New Zealand in 2012 to dedicate himself to rugby.

And ask yourself this; if this was any other player, would the Union allow them to indulge in a boxing match? Not likely. The Rugby Union even refuses to select overseas based players for the All Blacks. No matter that those players such as Nick Evans are giving their all for their sport, showing total commitment, regardless of where they are based. How they must feel knowing that they would give anything to still be playing for their country, all the while seeing Williams laugh in the face of the famous black jersey.

So, one rule for Williams and a different version for the rest of the New Zealand super 15 teams, as well as the test squad.

Lucky for Williams then, that he has mastered all the necessary skills of rugby to such an extent that he is light years ahead of any other player and therefore able to take time away from rugby training to indulge his boxing fantasies.

Clearly being a rugby genius of biblical proportions, and with his obvious dedication to the cause, he will lead the All Blacks to their first World Cup trophy in twenty-four years.

Won’t he?

The next time Daniel Vettori demands the right to pack his own lunch, he should make sure he has the appetite to consume everything in his lunchbox.

Not content to be the Captain, the side’s one true world class bowler and do a handy job of batting on the side, he insisted that he have complete control over the team. So, no fulltime coach, then. Not to mention the fact that he is also one of the selectors.

It seems he liked the menu, ate it all and came back for seconds. A lot like anyone with an addiction, with the initial taste being to his liking, he hungered for more. It got the better of him. New Zealand Cricket bowed to his demands and he was on the road to absolute power.

All this would seem to be the cricketing equivalent of a dictatorship.

This is all well and good if you are on friendly terms with success.

Unfortunately for Vettori, though, he isn’t, and the situation is fast turning ugly for him.

While a good proportion of the cricketing fraternity were clamouring for John Wright to be brought in as coach, Vettori insisted there was no need. The players didn’t see the need for a fulltime coach. They knew how to go about producing the desired results.

Well, so he said, anyway.

Supposedly a lowly performing team like New Zealand doesn’t need a coach, yet a highly talented outfit such as the current England squad has a full-time coach to help them in their search for their Holy Grail, the Ashes.

Go figure, on that one.

They could have done with some help in India as their form has given very little hope to their long suffering fans.

After the routing that the Black Caps were on the receiving end of against Bangladesh, supporters thought it couldn’t get any worse. A respectable showing against India in the following test series and they were led to believe that the Bangladesh result may have been an aberration.

Now three-nil down in the one-dayers against what is effectively India’s B side, it is clear that there is something more serious wrong within the team and there seems little hope that they will acquire any semblance of form and confidence for the upcoming World Cup in February.

So, what can be done? Well, certainly there is no point in changing much this close to a major competition. New Zealand cricket have called in former England coach, Duncan Fletcher, for the remainder of the Indian tour. With so little time though, Fletcher can do no more than paper over a few of the many cracks that are visible for all to see.

This means that the Black Caps have no choice but to limp through the next three months and hope for a miracle.

Even after the world cup, however, the options are limited. New Zealand Cricket could make mass changes and bring in new faces. Of course the problem with this approach is that there appears to be very little in the way of genuine talent below the top team.

The problem for New Zealand Cricket is tournaments such as the IPL 20/20 which offers players the chance to earn inordinately large sums of money. If they had tried to kick them out of the National team, they would’ve simply gone off and earn mega-bucks doing a hell of a lot less work.

Until now, that is. With their poor form affecting their earning capacity, the player’s options are not so widespread. Which is a splendid time for CEO Justin Vaughan to put a halt to the player power that inflicts this team.

The current mob’s places within the team may be safe. What should not be safe, though, is Vettori’s monopoly on power within New Zealand Cricket. While his position in the team is without doubt, and there is no question that he should stay on as captain, that should be where his control ends. Make the decisions on the field. Off it, leave that to a coach that has had many years of experience.

Surely now is the time to appoint a full-time coach of the ilk of a Duncan Fletcher of a John Wright. Either of these men would do a fantastic job of rescuing a mob of out of control egos and moulding them into, if not the world’s best, a competitive unit capable of competing with any team on their day.

And let us forget the nonsense that Vettori and Vaughan spout about Wright not having the organisational skills for the job. After all, he did have five highly successful years of coaching a star-studded Indian side with egos that were a match for their cricketing talents. If Wright could manage anything involving Indian cricket with success, then he more than warrants consideration for the job of coaching the Black Caps.

To which, most would concur. Except for those within the National team that possibly overrate themselves and are frightened of the home truths that a straight-shooter such as Wright may direct their way. This would seem a more likely reason for the players being against Wright as coach than his ability to organise.The latter seems to be more of a red herring.

For the sake of cricket in New Zealand though, let us hope not. And let us trust that Vettori is big enough to admit that he has taken on too much and that he would be better off concentrating more on his game than on how much power he can attain.

If not, then New Zealand cricket should do the flagging fortunes of its National team a favour and take the decision out of Vettori’s hands.

New Zealand has been put into bat by India in the second one day international in Jaipur tonight.

With the game being a day/nighter and heavy dew expected during the evening session, Indian captain Gautam Gambir predictably thought it wise to let the New Zealand bowlers struggle to bowl with a slippery ball.

If they do struggle, they won’t be the only ones in this match to find conditions impalpable. The batsmen have, too.

The opening pair of Jamie How and Martin Guptill made a furious start to the innings, smashing three fours in the first two overs. Then the runs dried up. What had been wayward bowling by S Sreesanth and Asheigh Nehra soon became the model of good line and length just wide of off-stump. And the New Zealander’s soon began to find batting not to their liking on what has been a low slow pitch.

How, in particular, was finding the going tough and perished in the fifth over after edging a Sreenanth deliver through to wicketkeeper Wriddiman Saha to leave New Zealand 14 for one.

In a strange decision, Captain Daniel Vettori decided to promote the inexperienced Kane Williamson up the order to number three ahead of Ross Taylor, despite the difficult batting conditions.

Williamson and Guptill proceeded to put on a partnership of fifty before Williamson was bowled by Munaf Patel playing around the ball for 29 with New Zealand now 64 for two in the 16th over.

After twenty overs, Guptill and Taylor had taken New Zealand through to 75 for two.

As sure as the Earth orbits the sun at 29.8km per/sec, the first Ashes test has been the height of tension and excitement.

Never a dull moment from ball one. It took England captain Andrew Strauss all of three balls of the first over to have a rush of blood to the head and play a cut shot that went straight to gully, where it was duly caught. This could have been seen as a bad omen for the English. One could have been forgiven for thinking it was going to be a long hard slog over the next few months for them. Especially when they were then bundled all out for a first innings total of 260.

That they came into the opening match of the series pronouncing themselves confident of winning their first Ashes series on Australian soil for twenty-five years seemed a touch on the premature side. If there is one rule that should never be broken in the pre-match psychological warfare of the lead-up to a sporting event, it is this: Always, always claim underdog status. It matters not whether it is true, just claim it anyway. Being forced to have an enema would be a more desirable notion than claiming favouritism.

And it looked early on that they were headed for a bloody nose. As it was, the English took some heavy hits and looked to be on the ropes. It could have been easy for them to throw in the towel, hand the test to the Australians and head for Adelaide and the second test with renewed hope of levelling the series.

This mob, however, are made of far sterner stuff. Not for them to drop their bundle and have a sulk. Instead, they rolled their sleeves up and toiled away. James Anderson delivered a stupendous spell, beating the bat on countless occasions. Softened the batsmen up for his bowling partners, he did. And they cashed in. To the tune of 137 for five. England was back in the match.

Until, that is, entering the cricketing arena came none other than Mr Cricket himself, Mike Hussey. With a century to Hussey, the match rotated in their favour. Australia was on the front foot once again. They could be the only team to realistically contemplate winning, from here, surely. Would England hold up under the pressure to bat time? Could they do the unthinkable and actually win against the odds?

This is what test cricket is all about. Being on the brink of defeat, yet, finding the inner fortitude to fights one’s way out of a dire situation.
As it turned out, they couldn’t win. But, what they did do was seriously dent the Australians confidence with a second innings batting display that bordered on the sublime. To start two hundred and twenty-one runs behind and rack up a score of over five hundred for the loss of only one wicket on final days of a test match borders on the bizarre.

Very rarely do all three top batsmen each score a century. So, bountiful amounts of confidence flowing through their veins, then.

Sure, the pitch behaved itself for the most part, but it did contain a couple of cracks that were wider than Sarah Palin’s knowledge of who America’s neighbours are. These rifts saw the ball turn at prodigious angles on occasions. Yet, the English batsmen handled the situation with aplomb.

So, despite being on top for long periods of the match, the Australians were the team that at times lost their poise. When the pressure went on, it was their normally high fielding standards that dissipated. Catches that would usually be taken went down. Both Michael Clarke and Mitchell Johnston were guilty of grassing catches that at this level should be taken every day of the week.

Gone are days for Australia of having a team stacked with stars. There is no Glen McGrath to knock over the opposition’s top order. No Shane Warne to rip through the middle and lower order batsmen. While they still have one of the best batsmen going around in skipper Ricky Ponting, it is no longer a line-up that sends fear through opposing bowlers.

England, on the other hand, has a side that appears to be very well balanced. There is an opening pair in Andrew Strauss and Alastair Cook that, while they aren’t flashy, gets the job done. You know the sort: have dinner at six pm, watch Coronation Street and talk about how good the meat was tonight. But, hey, that’s okay. You know what you will get with them, and they rarely let you down. Usually get a hundred run partnerships. Yep, every team likes them.

To counter these stoic sorts at the top of the order, they have the swashbuckling Kevin “the ego” Pietersen to smack the ball to all parts once the shine has been taken off the new ball by the openers.Numbers three and five respectively, Jonathan Trott and Paul Collingwood, can play a more conservative style when needed, or on the flipside, go on the attack chasing runs quickly. Add to this Ian Bell at number six who has a plentiful array of shot making options at his disposal and what you get is one of the stronger batting line-ups in world cricket. Shots galore, at their disposal, this lot.

Of course, it’s no good having a great batting side if you don’t have the bowlers to back you up. Fortunately for England, they do. In Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steven Finn, they have three talented fast bowlers. Which are backed up by a world class spinner in Graeme Swann.

What all this means for Australia, is trouble. While they appear to be able to compete in the batting department, their bowlers were exposed in England’s second innings as inadequate. Flat pitch or not, no side should be able to score 517 for one on the third and fourth days of a test.

So, England, struggling over the first two days, now looks to be in the stronger position mentally.

And you can never under-estimate the importance of confidence to a team.

Ever wondered about all those fancy names that some marketing types insist on coming up with for our national teams?

And is it a good thing or should we be done with them?

There have been many. Some have stuck, others haven’t. There’s the All Blacks, Black Caps, Silver ferns, Black Sticks, Tall Blacks, All Whites, Black Sox and a plethora of others all too numerous to mention here.

Of course, the big daddy of them all was the time earlier this century when some nutjob at the New Zealand Badminton federation’s marketing department, passing him or herself off as a genius, decided in a bizarre moment of madness that it would be a mighty fine notion to name Badminton’s national team the Black Cocks.

What an absolute cock of an idea this was from the head cock of bizarre cocks.

One can only presume that this absolute cock of a whizz kid marketing type thought that National team were underperforming and making them known as the Black Cocks would be the only suitable punishment.

With four men and four women in the team, what does that make the female members of the side? And why black cocks? Surely a shuttlecock is white.

And considering the outrageously sinister racial connotations that go with the name, clearly things were not well thought out beforehand. Perhaps they should have stuck to calling the team the white cocks.

After all, if this marketing guru was suggesting that black cocks are better than white cocks then surely this is discrimatory towards white cocks and they have a case for laying a formal complaint with the race conciliators office.

Admittedly, some do claim that if you’ve had black you don’t go back, but, all the same, we do live in an era of equal rights.

Not surprisingly, the name was dropped. Sure, it got the sport some publicity, but, in the end, if an organisation wants good publicity, the best way to achieve this is for your national side to win.

Which leads us to the Black Caps. If ever there was a team that proves that all the fancy monikers in the world will do you no good at all, it is they.

For, ever since they inherited this tag, their fortunes have gradually evaporated. Yes, they didn’t do too badly from the mid nineties through until earlier this century.

Since then, though, it has been a slippery slide down an increasingly acute slope into a vast ocean of mediocrity.

They fill it quite nicely at times, too.

This means a slick slogan has been no match for a side currently corrupted by player power, big money and a unique ability to find new and interesting methods to lose games of cricket.

You see, a team can have a flash name, but if they can’t bat, bowl and catch as some have pointed out about the current side, then the only opposition they will be competitive with is the race to the hot dog stand at 2pm on the third day of a test match.

The desire to win comes from within oneself.

Not from within that sport’s marketing department.

There can be no substitute for a willingness to work hard. Hard work and practice lead increased proficiency at your chosen discipline. Which, in turn, will increase the chances of success knocking on one’s door.

Do invite it in, too, won’t you. You’ll find that it is much more pleasant and interesting company than a fancy, but, nevertheless, meaningless marketing name.
Just take a look at the crowd numbers if the New Zealand cricket team start winning consistently. It won’t be the fancy name that brought all those extra feet through the turnstiles.

Some will point out that our national rugby team are known as the All Blacks and not as New Zealand. This is true. However, what it does not account for is the fact that it is a name that was given to our national team one hundred years ago.

And there has been a tradition of success erected over that time. A culture that has young players entering into the All Blacks domain desperate to do justice to the black shirt and the history that goes with it.

That success is what has made the “All Blacks” famous and worth its weight in advertising gold. The All Blacks logo is internationally recognised because of those winning ways.

This is the problem for the likes of New Zealand cricket. They simply do not win enough on the park. Until they and others like them do, all the clever brand names will be of no use.

Maybe someone should tell that to the cock at New Zealand Badminton that turned a national team into a laughing stock.

Twenty-eight year old, six foot two sexually adventurous rugby league winger from Canberra who enjoys animals (dogs in particular), looking to meet a like minded lady.

Must not mind sharing her man, as this one likes to swing on occasions. But don’t worry too much, will you; it’s only with a dog that he will cheat on you with. So much better, you see, than slinking off to a revendous with another woman.

So, come on ladies, this one’s a real winner. Get in fast before he gets taken by an adoring high class lady. For what woman could possibly resist a man that possesses such high moral integrity as Joel Monaghan clearly does.

When deciding as to whether or not you will take the plunge and date this guy, even knowing that he has been photographed simulating a sex act with a dog during a mad Monday celebration, please do take into account that according to our animal loving friend, this was nothing more than a prank gone wrong.

This, of course, makes it so much better than if he was indulging in sex with a dog in a serious manner. And do remember that he was drunk, which means he cannot possibly be expected to take responsibility for his own actions.

After all, it was the alcohol that poured itself into his glass which just conveniently decided to park itself exactly in the right place for the alcohol to come out of a tap into said glass. Then, of course, the glass inadvertently lifted itself up to the level of Monaghan’s mouth and forced its way down his throat totally against his will.

So, a bonus, then, that you have had an opportunity to see your potential suitors rather unique take on life.

For his sake, you may even wish to turn a blind eye to the fact that alcohol generally loosens one’s personality up. The real you will more often than not come out. Thus, one is more inclined to act in a fashion that shows their true character. And what a revelation Monaghan’s personality has been.

The chances are that in all probability Monaghan’s career is all but over and will never play another game of rugby league. This is good for you ladies, though, as he will have extra time to devote to being a loving partner to you. What more could you possibly want than a man that will spend time with you? Well, that is if he can drag himself away from showering attention on his dog. Literally.

Good then that he will have plenty of spare time to devote to you as he is now pretty much unemployable. Not only will rugby league rid themselves of him, but, he is unlikely to gain meaningful employment in the likes of rugby union either. None of these codes are going to want the bad publicity that will follow him wherever he goes.

So, money won’t be in plentiful supply. But money isn’t everything is it? Just think, on the positive side of things, you will have such a wonderful man that can impart his most worthy of morals and values on your future offspring. What a lucky bunch they will be.

I mean, he will have all that extra time to contemplate just what he has done.

Time for Joel to hopefully see how repulsive and repugnant what he has done, is. That society does not and never should accept and tolerate this type of behaviour.

And please don’t let him tell you that it was “just” a dog. Animals have the right to be treated with decency too. That’s why we have laws against cruelty towards animals.

Whichever of you lucky ladies that end up with Joel could help him to see the error of his ways. Maybe get him to one day seek redemption by helping to educate the youngsters of the future on what is acceptable behaviour in a modern liberal society.

It’s those youth of the early teenage years that need to be targeted in regards to educating the future of rugby league on what is right and what is wrong. Attitudes have to change over time. To paraphrase a certain shampoo ad of the past, “it won’t happen overnight, but it will happen”. Or should that be “it won’t happen overnight, but it could happen”.

So there is no point trying to change the current mob as these attitudes are far too ingrained. You could get rid of mad Monday’s. That may stop some of the lunacy that goes on, but it won’t change the attitudes of players.

Go for the next generation, then maybe in ten years time we will have a game played by young men that respect society’s norms and respect the game of rugby league enough not to attempt to bring it to its knees.

Often in rugby league, you will hear players talk of another committing a “dog act”. This is usually referring to an act of foul play such as eye gouging or biting.

The ultimate irony of Monaghan’s actions is that he really has committed a dog act.

So, ladies, do you wish to tame the dog?